Steps to Assertiveness: Flexible Thinking

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In my last Post: Steps to Assertiveness I have been exploring fundamental characteristics of an Assertive Communicator. Today; I will continue Characteristics by discussing: Flexible Thinking Ability. I will explore how are thinking largely determines our interactions as well as influences our fears around assertiveness.

Flexible Thinker.
I can’t emphasize enough the power and influence of our thoughts.  Our thoughts very much determine how we feel and how we behave as a result of what we think and feel. All three of these aspects of ourselves are cyclical and interconnected.  There is a form of therapy that holds this as it’s fundamental premise called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT

CBT  has been clinically proven to be one of the best forms of therapy for overcoming fear, stress, anxiety, panic atttacks and depression.  After 14 years of therapeupitic experience of applying this model of therapy, I tend to agree!  For more information on CBT, please have a look at our video ‘Aspire less stress using CBT’, or brouse through our counselling section, which is available on our website

Changing Thinking patterns in Assertiveness.
This is the first step to changing the way in which we express ourselves.  It relates to thinking about how you think.  Asking yourself; are your beliefs constructive and empowering, or are they  destructive and disempowering?. Its about being Being mindful of how your thought patterns influence how you interact with others.

For instance; attitudes such as; ‘I’m completely right and you’re wrong.’ will affect your ability to listen to another person’s perspective. Remember; Assertiveness is about having respect for your own and others rights. Even though you may not agree with anothers stance, you are mindful that they are entitled to have different opinions, feelings or views from you. Replacing rigid forms of thinking with a more flexible attitude can be facilitated by asking questions such as; ‘What would that be like for me if I experienced that?‘ ‘or ‘How might I feel if that happened to me?

Changing thoughts to overcome fears around assertiveness
Challenging limiting beliefs is also a crucial part of overcoming fears around Assertiveness, there are other techniques that also help with this, however; this is the first step. So; for instance, if you are terrified of saying ‘No’, it is most likely due to the fact that you are assuming saying ‘No’ will have negative consequence. your beliefs pretty much drive your fears in the sense that; fearful thoughts lead to fearful feelings, which in turn may cause you to avoid situations you are fearful of.

So it’s really important to start to challenge and change some of you beliefs and see things from different perspectives. As the phrase goes, ‘If you can see it, you can believe it and achieve it’
These are skills that can be learned too. There are specific techniques that you can learn to challenge limiting beliefs. These can be combined with tools for saying ‘No’.

On Aspire Assertiveness courses all information and techniques needed to change beliefs and overcome fears around assertiveness is taught. For more information on Our Assertiveness course please visit



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